Mum of terminally ill boy writes: ‘He’s going to leave me in the world alone’
- Credit: Archant
Norfolk mother Kyra Welch writes about her experiences with her terminally ill four-year-old son Kaiden Griffin at Christmas. Kaiden, who grew up in North Creake, near Fakenham, and now lives in Holt, has a congenital heart defect.
Sometimes it just hits me. Sometimes I just get a pain in my heart and realisation hits me, that one day my baby boy is going to leave me.
He's going to leave me in the world alone.
I'll never get to hug him again, hear his laugh, see his smile.
Everyday I wake up and the pain in my heart is still there, some mornings I struggle to wake myself up, I try to tell myself that.
My life is normal, and Kaiden is just like any other child leading a normal life, But I know that my life is so far from ordinary.
Other mornings I feel like I'm shattering more and more, I feel like in that moment being here and living this life is so far from where I wanted to be.
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I watch him, I spend so much time watching him go about his life so one day I can close my eyes and it will take me right back to that moment in my life which back then was one of the hardest but at that present time in my life I'll look back and it will be one of the most beautiful.
I spend my life taking picture, recording things he says, making pictures just so one day I'll have them to hold onto, when my life is at it's toughest and I feel like I have nothing else.
From the day I gave birth to him I've tried to mentally prepare myself for a day I might have to say goodbye him and that's just enough to destroy anyone, watching him grow and turn into this handsome, clever, charming little boy should be the best moments of my life but it's slowly breaking me more and more.
Knowing that in fact him getting older means it's getting closer to a time I might have to live without him.
And that hurts more than anything in this universe because I'll never be ready to say goodbye to him.